"Are you hearing the numbers?"

Hello  


 

I've noticed a few unusual things with communications over the
years particularly when people are engaged in a series of questions
and answers.

And isn't that most communication?

Yes, when someone is…

Answering questions - they don't always give the REAL answer
straightaway. And if the questioner doesn't pursue the line of questions
many mistakes and assumptions can be made.

I'll give you some examples in a moment.

I've also noticed…

When someone is asking for something they will usually (though not always) make their 3^rd request the important one - the one they really want answered
or dealt with.

For example:

A child might go to one of their parents and ask:

“Is it OK if I call Martin” (one of their friends)

Answer "Yes"

Then: they say: “Great - is it OK if we go to the park?”

Again they receive a "Yes", so they continue:

“And, oh by the way, is it OK if he stays over tonight?

That third question or request was the real one - the other two
were just to soften the parent up for the real question.

“Can my friend stay tonight?”

Did you also notice…

In my example, as in real life, the real question is often prefixed with
an expression such as "Oh by the way"

This expression is used by so many people - often without consciously
knowing it's an attempt to soften the impact of the words following it.

Such words as "By the way" or "Probably" or simply "Oh" indicating that

what follows is an afterthought and not really that important .

Let's take the occasion…

When someone is being interviewed for a job.

The question often asked by interviewers is
 

"Why did you leave your last job?"

The first answer given may be fairly short: "I was looking for a better
paid position" If the interviewer persists with the question they may
get a second answer such as: "Oh - I didn't like the product line the
company was moving into"

And further questioning may uncover the REAL answer, which may be:

"Uh and I didn't really like my boss"

Again you can hear…

The communication device of the word "really" intended to soften
what follows.

Rather than the interviewee saying: "I didn't like my boss" They say
"I didn't really like my boss" It doesn't sound so emphatic.

Now the way…

In which you'll be able to uncover the real answer more easily is to
use the "anything else" technique.

This is as simple as asking a question using those two words
"Anything else" in the appropriate tone.

So back to our interview:

The interviewer asks: "Why did you leave your last job?"

And the interviewee answers "I was looking for a better paid position"

The interviewer would then respond with "Anything else?" asked in a
soft voice and then keep asking “anything else” until the person being interviewed can think of nothing more to say.

This seemingly simple technique is extremely powerful in uncovering
the real answers to the questions we ask of others.

Try it for yourself and I know that you'll be pleasantly surprised at how
much extra and often more relevant information you obtain.

And so…

Often the third answer is the real answer and the "anything else" technique
can often find more information.

Listen out for the 3^rd thing someone says - that's also often the real point
they want to make.

Go on then!

P.S. comments, thoughts, ideas, puzzles or laughter to: peter@tgimondays.com

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